Initially, I had planned on having Alex and Oscar drop me off but between the prop bins for the show and my luggage, there was no room in the car. In hindsight, I'm very thankful for this because saying goodbye at home allowed me to have time in the car to cry it out (and reapply makeup) without the watchful eyes of dozens of high school students.
The trip itself was pretty action-packed: show after show, workshop after workshop, meals, games, and various other activities that both excited and exhausted the students and me. As much as this busy schedule allowed little time for me to call home, I'm pretty sure that idle time would have made the separation worse. I wasn't laying in bed at night thinking of home because I was so wiped out from the day. The times that really tugged at my heartstrings were when our schedules coincided enough for a quick Face Time session. We tried to Face Time almost every day, but seeing as Oscar goes to bed at 7:00 and our schedule was packed solid until 10 or 11, finding time was very difficult. I worried that he wouldn't recognize me or have stranger-danger with me when I returned. I worried that he would be emotionally effected and, in turn, would have his daily schedule thrown off. I worried that he would learn to walk while I was away. And, even worse, I worried that he wouldn't even notice that I was gone; that was actually my biggest fear.
The bus ride home was pretty excruciating. Not only was I anxious to see my boys, but I was bored beyond belief (our school was split up on the bus). The already long bus ride (seven hours) dragged on for what seemed like weeks! Finally, we pulled into the school parking lot and I almost ripped the bus doors off their hinges. I don't remember saying goodbye to my students once we got of the bus (in hindsight, I feel sort of bad about that) and I left my luggage on the curb as I ran over to see my boys. When Alex got Oscar out of his car seat, it took me a second for it to feel real and for it to set in: I was home. Seeing and holding Oscar after that week-long trip felt like the first time I saw and held him. I noticed all that had changed about him while I was gone. His hair had gotten longer (and redder!), his teeth were more exposed, his demeanor seemed more mature and alert, and the weight of his body felt different in my arms. However illegal, I just wanted to hold him the entire ride home (of course I didn't!) but instead I sat in the backseat and played and talked with him. Between Alex being exhausted from single-parenthood all week and my intense desire to be with Oscar, I eagerly took the reigns and jumped right back into mommy-hood. I think I may have even ignored Alex and Beckett a little bit because I was all Oscar all the time. He hadn't forgotten me and I hadn't forgotten how to be a mom.
As much as this week was rough for me at times, I wouldn't take it back. Learning to trust God, my family, and my friends, truly appreciating the time I have with them, and letting go of some control has made me a stronger person. Now don't get me wrong, I don't intend on leaving him again anytime soon but none of us are worse off because of this trip.
Thank you to all who stepped up and helped Alex and I during this time and thank you God for giving me the strength to make it through!
