The Time Has Come...

 I cannot believe that ten weeks have flown by and here I am going back to work on Monday! “Mixed” does not begin to describe what I am feeling. Although being Oscar’s beckon call girl 24/7 can be tiring, there really is nothing in the world I’d rather be doing. Alex asks, “Hey, do you want to go see a movie?” I reply, “No way,” I’d much rather stay home bopping him on the nose and watching that gummy smile for hours.

In some ways, I’m really lucky. Many women cannot take ten weeks for either financial or work related reasons. Don’t get me wrong; I am BLESSED to have had this time. I am also blessed to know that family members will watch Oscar until January so I know he will be with people who love him dearly. I was also extremely lucky to have had a tremendous sub who will now be working in my building so I can seek her out if need be. Teaching is the best job to go back to because I find worth in what I do and I love working with young people. Alex and I are also lucky to have developed somewhat of a routine so I should be getting decent sleep during work weeks. Really, I am counting my blessings but…

It’s just hard to not dwell on the tough stuff. Oscar is now getting to be at such a fun age where he enjoys playtime, he knows who we are, and that giggle?! It makes me melt every time. I sort of wish that he could have been at daycare for the first few weeks when he didn’t know or care who I was; he just wanted to eat and sleep. Now, someone else will get to spend this precious time with him and it breaks my heart. I have to keep reminding myself “you ‘ll still see him everyday” and “teachers get a lot of breaks during the year” but I know that it will not be the same. I also feel like I know him and his needs so well now and we’re at the point where he doesn’t cry that much or for long periods of time. I worry that when other people watch him they won’t be able to sooth him as quickly and I just imagine him crying all day.  On top of everything, I worry that I’ll be so preoccupied with him that my teaching will suffer. My students deserve an attentive and devoted teacher but so does my son. Can I do both? Women have been doing it for ages but am I strong enough?

And school. Don’t even get me started. I feel like the new kid jumping into the school year. Walking through the hallways, I’ll have no idea which students are mine. How do I get to know their names so quickly? What get-to-know-you games will be enjoyable for a group of 11^th graders who ALREADY know each other? What if I’m rusty from not teaching for so many months? Will they want the sub back? Will I have enough time to pump and, God forbid, what if I start leaking during class?! What if I’m really emotional those first days back and cry in front of my students? “Who’s this new lady and why is she weeping?”

My mind races and so I thought by writing all of my worries down, I might feel a sense of relief. Nope. More worries have popped into my head while writing this. I need to trust that God will get us through this; worrying doesn’t help the situation and I want my last few days off of work to be a pleasant time with Oscar.

Wish me luck this week. I’m going to need it.

The One Month Marker

Whew! A little over a month has gone by since our dear little Oscar made his entrance into the world. No doubt our lives have changes dramatically in that short time but we are thankfully everyday to have him in our lives.

 Now that the pregnancy portion of our journey is through, I didn’t know which direction to go with this blog. Although my life is filled with the repetitive sleep, eat, poop/pee, play (sort of) schedule, I have so much to talk about! Well, in hopes of not inundating my blog (or readers) with too much information, I’ve decided to start this next chapter of my mommy blog by summarizing the first month.

As forewarned to us, the first two weeks were pretty much chaos, controlled chaos that is. Just like any infant, Oscar had no concept of day or night and seemed to be insatiably hungry all the time. Although we were able to get nursing down pretty quickly, his cluster feeding sometimes had him eating every hour – yikes! On top of this, Oscar left the hospital with borderline bilirubin levels (aka jaundice). His levels were such that he was safe to be home with us but the pediatrician order labs almost every day for a week to monitor. After a few days, his levels were not going down so he had to wear a Billi-blanket (see picture below). 

 The Billi-blanket is light therapy that is supposed to help flush the bilirubin out of his system. He wore it 24/7 for two days. This treatment was helpful and did help with his levels but having to keep our baby plugged-in was awkward and uncomfortable. As of last week his levels have gone down to a safe enough point (hooray!) that we don’t have to keep going in for lab work, which makes me happy not only for his health but because I hate lugging him to the doctor everyday and having him get poked by a needle. It’s enough to make any mama want to cry!

This week we are attempting to get him on a schedule. I know that this is a daunting task that may fail miserably, but it’s definitely worth a try. Yesterday and today have been successful so I’m optimistic. The schedule works on a three-hour cycle: nap for 1.5 hours, wake, change, feed, stay alert for 1.5 hours. The cycle continues up until three hours before bed. Then we keep him awake for those three hours so he’ll sleep longer at night. Last night he slept for 6.5 hours! What a difference. The beauty of the schedule is that it does allow for flexibility. If he doesn’t go to sleep at exactly the right time, I start the clock when he finally does. Or if I need him to sleep a little longer because I need to shower or something, I can. Wish us luck with this :-)

I’ll end this blog with a few pictures as well as a few documented developmental items.

 At one month: turning head from side to side, lifting head and chest for short periods, following faces and objects with eyes, small glimpses of a social smile, recognizing our voices and faces, and lastly (and sadly) the development of tears. 

 Current nicknames: Monsieur Fussy (when cranky), Munchy Boy (when hungry), Bumpkin (when cute - aka always), Fussykins (when fussy), Happykins (when happy), Gruntersons (when he's gassy), and Oskie Boy (at random). Whatever we call him, we  just can't get enough of him!

What's in a Name?

Now that Oscar is a week old and the long-awaited secret is out, I wanted to write something about our process in choosing a name.

Customized M&Ms for the name reveal.

 Even before we were pregnant, Alex and I discussed what we'd want our future children to be named. We both hoped for something unique, especially given our common last name, and we also wanted something with meaning. I've always been a firm believer that the middle name is a great opportunity to honor a family member and so we decided that if we were to have a girl, her middle name would be Anne (just like my mom and me) and if we were to have a boy, his middle name would be Kenneth (after Alex's father). Alex has always had a special bond with his dad and we thought that this was a great way to honor him and the rest of his family.

Well, when we found out we were having a boy our next quest was to find a first name that sounded good with Kenneth. We didn't keep the middle name a secret but we definitely wanted one good surprise for delivery day. Right away Alex and I sought out names with literary significance, specifically theatrical names as that encompasses both of our interests. For goodness sakes, our dog's name is Beckett! We contemplated names such as Will (after William Shakespeare) and even Garrick (after David Garrick). Either the names were too out there or too common; after all, what child is going to want to answer to, "Come here, Bertolt!" at the playground? After wracking our brains a bit, we had an epiphany: what about Oscar after Oscar Wilde?

Oscar Wilde's tombstone

Alex at the grave site.

We had visited his grave site in Paris last summer on our belated honeymoon and both of us were inspired by his iconic embodiment of individualism. He was definitely a playwright and person who marched to the beat of his own drum, a characteristic we dearly hope for in our children. It didn't hurt that the name Oscar also resonates the Academy Awards - another interest for us both (more so an obsession with Alex). Lastly, and this realization didn't come until well after we had decided upon the name, Oscar was the name of my great-grandfather who had immigrated from Norway. He was a small business owner and made his way on meager means.

With all of these reasons in mind, we began calling him by his name and continued to do so from week 20 on. Both of us struggled to not name drop in front of anyone else and Alex even slipped up once in front of his Dad, but thankfully it was quiet enough that he didn't hear it. We know that because the name isn't very common, some people may not like it. We've even heard people ask if we got the name from Sesame Street's Oscar the Grouch but we don't really care. We love his name and what it means to us. I cannot wait to share this story with him when he's old enough and I hope that he appreciates a name that is as uniquely wonderful as he is!

Our Birth Story: a Novelette

Oscar Kenneth Carlson

               Before proceeding with this post, I’d like to give a word of caution. First of all, it’s lonnnnnggg. Labor and delivery was a long process and in order to capture all of it, I spared no detail. That being said, this entry was really my way of recording that day for our family so that in the future we can reminisce over every moment. I am more than happy to share this story with my blog readers as the miracle of birth is a God-given gift and I’d be a fool to keep it to myself. There are a few details that aren’t so pleasant but this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – so, here goes:

Once we reached 37 weeks, or full term, we were both quite anxious to meet our little guy. With our baby to-do list almost complete, that anxiousness increased with idle time. Most of our family and friends had guessed that he would be born in September, as his due date suggested, and some even guessed that he’d be late. It might have just been my sheer anticipation, but I was bound and determined to have him early. Our labor class instructor informed us that it is very common for women who work up until their due dates to deliver late. In her experience, women who take time off before their due dates have a higher likelihood of early delivery as their relaxation allows their bodies to go into labor. Well, when I passed my mucus plug at exactly 38 weeks, I was even surer that this baby was coming soon! What to Expect suggested that the mucus plug is not a clear indicator of when labor will begin because many women wait one to two weeks past that point to deliver. Regardless of what the books said, Alex and I readied ourselves and paid close attention to any changes in my body.

            One day passed. 1:30am on Wednesday, August 22^nd I began feeling uncomfortable cramping that I first misread as gas pains. After several trips to the bathroom I realized that these pains weren’t going away and that they were fairly regular. I woke Alex up at about 2:30am and asked him to time what I believed were early labor contractions. Sure enough, they were about ten minutes apart and had been regular for over an hour. We were going to have our baby today! These contractions were quite manageable and I even remember saying to Alex, “If this is what labor’s like, it’s gonna be a piece of cake!” Oddly enough, we had a prescheduled appointment with our midwife that morning but hoped that labor would progress by then. By the time our appointment slot rolled around, my contractions had become very patchy and irregular. 10 minutes apart. 7 minutes apart. 15 minutes apart. 5 minutes apart. 25 minutes apart. Was this false labor? Was I just exaggerating the situation out of hopefulness? We described our evening of excitement to our midwife and she checked my cervix to see if there was any progress. 3 ½ cm dilated – I was at 0 cm the week prior. Feeling a bit more optimistic but still lacking any regularity of contractions, we went to our last elective ultrasound. Our midwife had suggested we monitor his growth as the last ultrasound suggested he might reach 9 or 10lbs. All appeared healthy and the technician predicted that his current weight was between 6.5 and 7lbs.

            By this time, it was 9:30am but after our long night, we were both starving. We ate “lunch” and then went home to catch a quick nap. If labor was going to come that day, we’d both need at least a little rest to make it through. Eventually, the contractions started up again but remained irregular. One minute I would be very uncomfortable and the next it felt simply like a menstrual cramp. We were in touch with the Baby Line but they instructed that active labor does not begin until the contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart for about an hour. To kill time, I indulged in my last odd pregnancy craving: watching Ferngully: the Last Rainforest.  

            At about 1:00pm, I was getting frustrated. Was he on his way or wasn’t he? At this point, I didn’t care how painful the contractions may be; I wanted them to come! In my disgruntled state, I asked Alex to call the Baby Line again to see if there was something we could do to help things along. As he chatted with the nurse, I felt a sudden thud inside of me, almost like a blunt kick from Baby, and then there was a great gush of fluid. My water had broken; there was no doubt about it. I hollered to Alex to let the nurse know and he said that the hospital would have a bed waiting for me.

            The drive to the hospital was pretty calm. Our car was already packed from the morning’s excitement so there was very little to do besides get in the car. We took our time and the contractions were still relatively mellow. I was a little embarrassed that I was still leaking through my freshly changed clothes but if that meant my boy was on his way, I didn’t care. When we got there, a nurse at Labor and Delivery asked us, “What brings you in today?” I looked at her dumbly…why else would someone come to Labor and Delivery?! We want to have our baby! We skipped triage as they could see I was pretty soggy and uncomfortable.

            When we reached our room, we reviewed our birth preferences with the staff, checked my vitals, and hooked me up to the monitor. Everything looked great so I was definitely still an ideal candidate for a water birth. The only downside was that I was only 4 ½ cm dilated. Our midwife, Ann, suggested that I start labor in the bathtub to see if I liked the water before they went to the trouble of brining in and filling the birthing tub. Alex and I made our way to the bathroom and began active labor. With the musical stylings of Stephen Sondheim in the background and the soothing warmth of the water, I was feeling pretty good. Alex and I had a routine down – when a contraction began, I would nod my head and he would pour warm bath water over my belly. It was amazing to see how much his touch and the water soothed my pain.

            My contractions definitely picked up quickly once we went to the tub. I was worried about the baby’s positioning as my back ached terribly. Alex massaged me through each and every contraction even as I squirmed and writhed in pain. Standing. Sitting. Hanging off the birthing bar. Squatting. I worked every inch of that bathtub.  The contractions were now one on top of another and I was getting extremely tired. I felt my body quake with pain and I even vomited twice; my body knew no other way to handle the intensity of the contractions. No matter what Alex or I did, the pain was becoming unbearable, even for a person with high pain tolerance like me. At this point, I asked the nurse, “How much longer before I can deliver?” I was desperate to hear a note of optimism from her. She avoided a straight answer by saying that, “every delivery is different.” I wanted something concrete. I asked her to give an average to which she responded, “Most women dilate a centimeter every 1-2 hours.” I could not believe this! I had only been in the tub for about two and half hours, which put me a little over half way to 10cm at best with that estimation. I looked Alex square in the eyes and said something I never thought that I would, “I don’t think I can do this.” The natural way that is. I was exhausted and in excruciating pain. Drugs were not even on my radar but neither was this extent of pain. I knew that if I went through with medical intervention I would be disappointed in myself, but in that low of lows nothing else seemed possible. Thankfully, Alex coolly asked me to really think about this. Was this what I wanted, for me and for the baby? He suggested that we ask our midwife to check my cervix the next time she stopped by our room. I agreed that this was a good idea; the progress, or lack thereof, would help me make this decision.

            Oddly enough, before the midwife returned, we were asked if another medical personnel, from the emergency department, could assist in the labor and delivery process.  We agreed, and just as she entered our room I heard, “Oh. I know this couple. I’m not sure this is appropriate.” Alex confirmed that she had indeed attended Morris with us and we had known her from Improv Club. This experience was definitely a shameless one at this point so we invited her back in the room. The last time I saw her, we were goofing off in the Morris rehearsal hall and here she was about to help deliver our baby. Weird. Leave it to Morris alums to show up anywhere and everywhere.

            Anywho, our midwife returned and her quick inspection concluded that I had moved from 4 ½ cm to 9 ½ cm in a little under two hours – a feat that she deemed “quite impressive!” I told her that I had a moment of weakness in which I considered medical intervention but with this rapid progress, my decision was made for me. This baby was coming faster than I knew and we were past the point where drugs would make a difference. My contractions were overwhelming. I couldn’t speak, think, or move. They asked me if I’d like to get into the birthing tub now but every movement was just excruciating and so we opted for a land birth. The next part of this experience really surprised me; my body began involuntarily pushing. I asked if this was okay because I had little control. The midwife said that my body knew what it was doing and that I should follow its cues. With that, I began the pushing stage. I could feel myself make progress so much so that the midwife had to tell me to slow down. “You are really strong!” she said in response to my fast pushing. I followed her instruction and after a short 20 minute pushing session, our baby boy was brought into this world! Although the rest of the room was in awe of how quickly delivery went, I couldn’t keep my eyes and hands off of our sweet little boy who was now quietly snuggled up on my chest. 

            Everything after that is pretty much a blur as both of us were completely intoxicated by his presence. I do remember that Alex was thrilled to cut the umbilical cord and that I delivered the placenta with ease. I was surprised at how large it was; it looked like I had lost an organ or something. We held our 8lb 2oz boy for the next hour and a half as I received the only drugs from this whole ordeal: a local anesthetic for the two stitches I would receive for minimal tearing. 

            We will remember this day forever for so many reasons. Becoming a mother was more than I could have hoped for and we were truly blessed not only with an amazing birthing experience but also the most precious reward of life. Thank you, God for entrusting us with your sweet little Oscar and we will do our best to raise him to be man of integrity and love.

Crafting for Cash Money Carlson

Update: my due date is thirty days from today - crazy! I'm not sure if it's that countdown or the early due dates shared with me from seasoned mamas, but our little one's arrival seems more and more real each and every day. As much as I cannot wait to meet him, he still has another week before he's considered full term so I'd like to at least wait that long.

With this excitement and anticipation has come a craftier side of Katie. This new-found motivation could be a product of my nesting phase, or it could be a preview of what motherhood will look like for me. Either way, I'm enjoying the adventure and learning a lot along the way.

The first project I decided to take on was upholstery. After searching far and wide, Alex and I finally found a glider that suited our nursery needs. We wanted something that was super comfy and we hoped to avoid the traditional wooden glider look. Of all places, we ordered our chair from Walmart.com but there was one problem; there was no matching ottoman. Thankfully, we had an ottoman at home that was rarely used, so we just decided to re-purpose it with a little paint and some upholstery fabric. The paint we already had and I picked up some great navy fabric for under ten dollars. The product?

Close-up of Re-Purposed Ottoman

Chair w/ Ottoman

The next project was nursery art. The bright colors and striped wall of the nursery provide a busy background, so we wanted something simple and cheap to don Baby Carlson's walls. Being that Alex and I are both fans of literature, we decided to take a creative spin on some of our favorite quotations. After we selected the quotations, we prettied them up in Photoshop and printed all three for under $3. Add in cheap white Ikea frames and the project total was $12. The product?

Finish Framed Product

The last craft is an on-going sewing project. In our infant care class, our instructor spoke in great detail about safe sleeping habits for baby. She discouraged blankets and swaddling for sleeping as they inhibit active sleep patterns and pose a suffocation risk. Instead, she encouraged something called a sleep sack. A sleep sack is basically a wearable sleeping bag that will keep baby warm without the above mentioned risks. They retail anywhere from $20-$35 a piece at Babies R US. Although I am not the most avid of seamstresses, the pattern seemed easy enough so I decided, with the help of my awesome mother-in-law, to make my own. I purchased a pre-made sleep sack at a local consignment store for $6 to use as a pattern and then I purchased enough fleece from JoAnn Fabrics to make five more. After purchasing zippers, the total cost of the project was $35 - that's a little under $6 a piece! Hooray for saving money!

Sample Sleep Sack

Fleece Assortment

There was one more craft that I wanted to complete but I sort of gave up on it. On Pinterest, I saw this cute idea to make your own hospital gown. The woman who did it wanted something that would be a little more glamorous, better fitting, more comfortable, and something that she could take home with her. She also remarked that the contrasting colors in the pattern were more interesting for her baby to look at and focus on than the typical solid scrubs. Although her final product was super adorable, the pattern looked too complex for me so I caved and bought one at a cute maternity shoppe my sister brought me to. Not only did I find one that matches our nursery motif, but it has great snaps on either side for ease of nursing, AND I even found a matching infant cap. Momma always taught me that coordinating is important!

Pinterest Example

Gown and Matching Cap

I can't wait to meet you, little one and I'm even more excited for all the crafts, projects, and activities that we can do TOGETHER!

Parenting Homework

34 weeks...only six weeks left! Ahhhh! As much as that might seem like a good chunk of time, my recurring nightmares keep hinting that Baby Carlson is planning to make his premiere early. Beside the fact that we don't have a crib yet (in the above mentioned nightmares, he sleeps in a cardboard box), so much is really coming together. We have stocked up on many of the essentials, we have started planning/packing our hospital bags, and we have completed/are currently completing a bit of parenting instruction.

After doing some poking around, Alex and I decided to work our way through a parenting book to help give us confidence and know-how once Baby arrives. We landed upon The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp and I'm currently over half way through it. 

The text itself is a pretty quick read and Karp attempts to spice up the material with personal anecdotes and various excerpts from other well-known works (both literary and medical). However, at its core, the book is really a how-to manual for parents of young children. Karp has uncovered something that he coined the "calming reflex" and debunks myths about colic and various soothing techniques. It's hard to tell if his suggestions are legitimate as we don't have a crying infant to try his tactics out on, but his logic appears sound and the book is well-supported by parents and pediatricians alike. One of the more interesting bits of his studies surrounds the presence of colic in the Western World, whereas many other cultures don't experience colic or extended periods of crying at all. Long story short, Karp claims that the long-believed theory of gastrointestinal problems cannot be the sole culprit and he claims that his soothing technique will calm any crying child. Without having finished the book, I would still reccommend it to expecting first-time parents but also to seasoned parents, as it pokes a few holes in some well-known parenting practices.

Another parenting venture we have embarked on are our parenting and labor classes. We've only had one session of our parenting class (the second session is tomorrow) but so far we've learned a good deal and I look forward to the next session. One of the major bits of knowledge we took home was about crib bumpers. We picked ours out at Babies R US based on the display and didn't think much about it after that. Much to our surprise, our infant instructor informed us that crib bumpers are major culprits when it comes to SIDS and that they should no longer be used by anyone. The same logic applies to all blankets, stuffed animals and any other plush items within a crib. Even the mesh models pose a risk. As a matter of fact, the sale of crib bumpers has been banned in many major cities. This was news to us, and seeing that every crib display in the store had one, we were pretty shocked. After further questioning, our instructor explained that as much as crib bumpers may prevent potential bumping and bruising caused by kicking the wooden rails, the risk of infant suffocation is much higher and possibly fatal. Needless to say, we returned ours ASAP. As much as it was pretty darling, we care more about our little darling than the aesthetics of our nursery. So, for you current/future parents out there: bumpers beware! 

On a lighter note, we also learned about the six states of infant consciousness, what they look like, what purpose they serve, and what parents should do while their child is in each state.  Here are our notes on each state:

Our instructor ended our last session with a bit of parenting homework. We were tasked with compiling a list of six traits that make a "good enough" parent. She didn't elaborate much on what "good enough" really means but we read into it as sufficient, okay, not bad. Here, in no particular order, is our list:


Six Essentials to Being a "Good Enough" Parent
1) safety
2) food
3) clothing
4) shelter
5) attention
6) love? (the question mark was my doing as I see love as a "great" characteristic, but Alex phrased it well when he said, "If a parent doesn't love their kid, then they're a bad parent." - good enough, I guess)

Call us over-achievers, but we weren't satisfied with simply being "good enough," so we decided to take our homework one step further. What are six essentials to being a GREAT parent? This is what we came up with (again, in no particular order):


Six Essentials to Being a GREAT Parent
1) patience
2) playfulness
3) enthusiasm/energy
4) willingness to teach/learn
5) open-mindedness
6) teamwork

Regardless of the books we read, the classes we take, and even the advice of others, nothing can truly prepare us for what this wonderful world of parenting will entail. I guess this quote really says it best:

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher.  
~Robert Brault

Teach on, Baby C, teach on.

A Portrait of Our Son...So Far

32 weeks - final ultrasound. For this last snapshot moment, Alex and I invited my mom to join us. She had never seen an ultrasound, as they weren't common practice when she had children. We were hoping to get a better glimpse of Baby Carlson, but he was pretty sleepy and had situated himself directly behind the placenta so seeing his face was nearly impossible. Here is the one picture we were able to get, although it is by no means clear.

The technician went through a series of examinations including a monitor of growth, movement, and practice breathing. He was not super active, which worried me, but after drinking a glass of orange juice he started wiggling around a bit. We also payed close attention to the movements of his diaphragm as this is the period in which baby begins to exercise that muscle for future air breathing. The movements weren't regular, but he did sustain thirty seconds of practice breathing which was the goal. Lastly, the technician measured his head, waist, legs, and arms to determine an estimated weight. From all of my reading and research, baby should be between three and four pounds at this phase and stage. Guess how big Baby Carlson was? 5lbs 4oz!!! Now as much as this is an estimate, the fact that he has eight more weeks to cook somewhat freaks me out as babies gain about a half a pound a week at this point.  Math isn't my forte, but I'm pretty sure that adds up to a 9-10lb baby - yikes! No wonder he wasn't moving around so much - he's running out of room!

My midwife later measured my uterus and said that it was right on track for average growth so the estimate could've been off. She also assured me that children grown in spurts so we could've just caught him right after a growth spurt and his growth could plateau. Either way, it did make me second guess my birth plan. As much as a drug-free water birth is ideal, I'm not sure that it will be entirely possible if our baby is pushing 10lbs. For now, we hope to keep our birth plan the same but will remain flexible to what our big baby needs :-)

When I was born, I only weighed 7lbs 6oz - Alex, and the rest of his siblings for that fact, weighed upwards of 9lbs (9lbs 6oz to be exact)! Like father, like son, I guess. Here are some photos our parents dug up of us as babies:

Alex - jolly, ginger, and double-chinned

Katie - eager, buggy-eyed, and Mohawk-headed

 Between the vague ultrasound photo and this birth-weight conundrum, I can't help but wonder what Baby Carlson will really look like. So, what would any sane person do with such curiosity? Seek out a baby photo generator online! I made two attempts at the baby generator, one with our baby photos and one with more recent photos. Neither one yielded a particularly adorable child:

 

The good news is that the bottom photo at least predicted that Baby Carlson will be a ginger.  Of course, this modern technology is highly advanced so relying on its accuracy makes total sense...not. In the meantime, I'll just allow my imagination to run wild and my odd dreams to get even odder (more on that in future posts). Whatever he looks like and however chubby he may be, I hope that he is a healthy, happy boy and I know that his momma and papa already love him more than he could ever know! 

Maternity Photo Phobia

Today not only marks the ten week countdown for baby Carlson but also marks another major milestone; I officially got over my fear of maternity photos today! Now before I get into the details of our amazing shoot, a la my good friend Jenny, I want to explain where my trepidation for maternity photos comes from. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is a beautiful thing but sometimes experiencing all of those bodily changes feels a little less-than-glamorous (see photo from last blog entry as evidence). It's easy for someone to search the Pinterest world for photos that will tug at the heartstrings, but crossing over in front of the camera lens was less enticing for me. When I thought pregnancy photos, my mind went to the tabloid covers you see in the grocery checkout with pictures of pregnant celebrities. These women not only have acclaimed stylists, photographers, and air-brushers at the ready, they also are completely and utterly shameless. Take exhibit A: 

Nothing say "real" like a pregnant woman in a bikini...practical.

And when you're too big to fit into a bikini, your man can cover you. Thanks, Mariah for the tip...

 Now celebs are not the only culprits. I've seen dozens of women attempting to embrace the au natural beauty of pregnancy but again, they seem a bit misguided - exhibit B  

This is what I call materni-tree.

"I'm on a horse."

As usual, I consulted Alex about my prenatal photo phobia and his response, to no surprise, was that we should just be ourselves and take goofy pictures. Then no one can laugh at us for taking them too seriously. However, there is always a fine line when taking funny photos; some people may be insulted that we're not taking such a huge/beautiful event seriously, or worse, some people may not realize that the pictures are, in fact, a joke. Again, my mind raced - exhibit C: 

Flower child? Or mutant mother?

Cute?

So, after a little coaxing, my good friend Jenny offered to take our photos and had she not been a close friend, I would have very well said no. I was pretty open with her that the idea sort of freaked me out and I wanted the pictures to be as casual as possible. She made us both feel very comfortable and she even included our dog, Beckett, in several of the poses! We took indoor and outdoor photos and dabbled in a variety of silly, casual, and serious poses. Taking these pictures was therapeutic for me because I was able to get over my odd fear, but it was also an awesome time for Alex and I to devote some quality time to our family. Nothing really makes his (baby Carlson's) presence more real than spending a good portion of the afternoon striking poses to show him off. I couldn't help but allow my mind to wander to the many photo shoots of his future and imagine posing for Christmas card pictures with our growing family of the future. So, whether these pictures are put in an album that I only feel comfortable sharing with close friends and family, or they are plastered all over the walls of my home, this photo shoot was a poignant reminder of the importance of family and the miracle of it all.

Obviously, I don't have pictures to share from today's session (since it was just this afternoon) but Jenny did send my one picture as a sneak peek. I would be lying if I said this picture didn't make me excited to see the rest of them, so here it is, exhibit D:

That's my boy! :-)

The Oh-So-Glamorous Side of Pregnancy

Eleven weeks left. Oh. My. GOODNESS! As we’re nearing the end of this stage, I thought it might be a good idea to document some of my pregnancy symptoms, cravings, and odd experiences so I have something to look back on and laugh at later. Now, as much as these experiences might really paint me to be a sultry and desirable woman, remember, I am only human :-)

The first, and most noticeable, symptom is, of course, my size. By now, my belly has taken on a life of its own and has definitely gotten in the way of some basic daily tasks. Take putting on shoes for example. Seemingly simple, eh? Well, nowadays buckling my sandals in the morning requires many steps: feet in the air, back braced, wiggling and wriggling, Alex calmly trying to coax my swollen feel in, and possibly a complaint or two, or three, or four. Now as much as this might seem like a great way to bond, Alex has so coyly given me the nickname of “right-now,” meaning that despite his patience in helping me, I want to get things done and I want to get them done NOW! Don’t even get me started on painting my toenails - what I wouldn’t do for a professional pedicure these days! Although baby is probably glad that I’m avoiding those noxious salon fumes for him.

As far as swelling is concerned, my right foot has been sporting the swollen kankle look but my left foot is not into it. I’m not sure what’s worse; having both feet swell or having shoes that fit unevenly…

Cravings. Alex has always teased me because when I’m not pregnant I seem to have oddly specific cravings but now that I am pregnant, my palate has normalized. There are a few food items that have been especially appealing though and I’d like to think that these manly cravings reflect the manly needs of my manly fetus. On any given day, I have been lovin’ me some eggs, red meat, milk, orange juice, and fresh fruit. My sweet tooth hasn’t really reared its ugly head, which I don’t mind at all. The only annoying part about my protein cravings is that not a day goes by without a salami and/or beef stick craving, both of which I cannot eat due to the preservatives. Lunchmeat too; I miss lunchmeat. I’ve already planned out what I’m going to eat/drink once I’m done nursing:

Jimmy John’s Turkey Tom sub with a side of beef sticks and a nice glass of white wine. It may not be the best culinary combination but gosh darn it, it sounds delicious to me! 

The last prego prob/symptom that I’ve been bombarded with is a need to sleep. Between finding a confortable position, staying the right temperature, and abating odd post-partum nightmares, sleep has been a precious commodity. Thankfully, our Sleep Number bed has been a complete Godsend but my sleepy demeanor has not confined itself to the bedroom. The floor, the couch, a chair; I just don’t discriminate! And for your viewing/blackmailing pleasure, here is a wonderful snapshot depicting me in action…or lack thereof. 

"I'm sexy and I know it."

Thanks, Alex for loving me and being so good to me when I look, feel, and sound like a bloated monster. I love you!

What a Difference a Year Makes...

Summer break is officially in full swing as proven by the presence of naps and by the absence of grading pens. It is in the summer that I have time to do things like read for leisure, dabble with new recipes, get a little crafty, and get this: think! Now I have been known to over-think things a time or two, but this morning, my mind was really in a state of reflection. What spurred this reflection, believe it or not, was the routine blood work I just did this morning. For those of you who are or have been pregnant, you'll definitely know what I'm talking about when I reference the glucose drink. For those of you who haven't, I'll do my best to explain. The glucose test is designed to test a woman's blood sugar levels and ability to process sugars in the bloodstream. The ultimate goal is decided whether the woman is at risk for gestational diabetes as this can cause complications for the pregnancy. In order to check these levels, the woman is to drink a glucose drink (basically sugary flat pop) and then have blood drawn one hour later to see how the body responds to the excess sugar. Now you're probably thinking, "Okay, so what does this have to do with reflection? Get to the point!"


Well, nearly a year ago, I took this glucose test. Not because we were eagerly expecting, as we are now, but because we were currently unable to conceive. At that time, our fertility doctor had concluded that I had not ovulated on my own during the time he had worked with us and there was potential to believe that I had never ovulated in my life. Our doctor told I us that there could have been two causes to this issue: Diabetes or another condition called PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). The glucose test would need to be taken to decide whether or not I was diabetic so we could move on with the diagnosis. It just so happened that on that particular day and at that particular time, there were upwards of five or six pregnant women going through the same test. So there I was, crammed in a tiny waiting area with a whole boat-load of pregnant women and me so desperately wanting what they had. Even their swapped stories about extended back pain ans swollen feet didn't phase me; I just wanted a baby. Quickly, that initial admiration and curiosity about these women turned into frustration and even anger. As they were sharing names they were considering or nursery decor ideas, I found myself judging these women. What's so special about her? That's her idea of an original name? I can't even have one child and this broad is having twins?! And as my blood continued to boil (both literally and figuratively - my blood sugars were tweaking out at this point), and I found myself releasing a few expletives in my head, I felt a single tear run down my face and knew that was the point of no return. I quickly ran to the nearest restroom to mop up the flood of tears that had erupted, vigorously wiping away at my face with those scratchy health office paper towels. I looked in the mirror and visibly saw how upset I was and knew that it all stemmed from fear. I didn't really hate those women. They had done nothing to deserve my internal monologue of mockery; it was my fear of never bearing my own children, of letting Alex down, of being so-called less of a woman that was burning inside of me. Flash forward. There I was again, this morning, sitting in the lab waiting room - 28 weeks pregnant and with no diabetes in sight. I was joined by a few other pregnant women and some that were not. Now, who's to say what those women were in the lab for, but I couldn't help but wonder and be eternally thankful for where I am today. Thank you, God for this incredible blessing and for seeing us through this trying journey. People have told me that having a baby will change everything, even how I view the world and those around me. Baby Carlson isn't even here yet and I can already conclude that this notion is true. What a difference a year makes :-)

Ending Third Trimester, Beginning Third Trimester

However coincidental, this week marked the end of third trimester at school as well as the beginning of third trimester for baby Carlson. With the excitement of both transition periods comes a bit of apprehension as well. One might think that the start of summer break would bring a wave of relief, especially since my maternity leave will see that I don't have to grade another thing for the next five months. For some reason I still feel entirely stressed. We have not hired my long-term sub, my room is not organized, and my lessons aren't sub-ready. Although I have all summer to prepare for this, the thought of not being a part of that wonderful back-to-school energy in the fall really saddens me. On the other hand, distance does make the heart grow fonder, so my extended absence could give me an awesome supply of energy and enthusiasm to come back with.

Now this nervousness I'm expressing about work is not intended to overshadow my excitment about meeting our little one; believe me, we're completely stoked! But as mentioned above, with his birth date quickly approaching, I can't help but feel a little unprepared. I do have around twelve weeks to physically and emotionally prepare myself but I'm sure all the planning in the world cannot fully prepare anyone for motherhood. So, in order to both view my summer realistically and ease my nerves, I've decided to create a Summer Mommy To-do List. I would like to enlist the help of all my mommy friends out there with my list. I'm creating this list based solely on what I have read so if you can think of any other items, or if you have advice, please feel free to share. For example, prenatal courses. Our birthing center offers courses in the birthing process, infant care, and breastfeeding. Would all be beneficial? What have been your experiences? We're willing to try them out but they can be a bit spendy and time consuming so we'd only like to invest if they're worthwhile.

Here, in no particular order, is my Summer Mommy To-do List:

• Register/take prenatal course(s) - which one(s) to take? birthing? breast feeding? infant care? or all of the above?
• look around for a good pediatrician
• finish home-improvement projects (or rather supervise while Alex does)
• schedule our baby dedication and design invites
• find an affordable daycare option
• prepare for cloth diapering
• line up on-call doggie care for Beckett  for when we're in the hospital
• make food for after baby's born
• clean house and keep it clean
• install car seat
• pack mommy and daddy overnight bags
• work on birth announcement
• pre-wash baby clothes and bedding
• set up nursery
• read up more about breast feeding, parenting, etc.
• design/assemble baby quilt
• maternity photoshoot
• stock up on basics for the home
• try and RELAX :-)

As much as these items are seemingly in my control, I know there will be a lot in these next tweve weeks that isn't. Please keep our little family in your thoughts and prayers and again, don't hesitate if you have any ideas or advice to share. After all, it does take a village to raise a child :-)

Boy Bedding Bothers

One of the most exciting and yet daunting tasks of preparing for little one: preparing the nursery. Alex and I elected to move our bedroom downstairs to be right across the hall from baby. Although this was a significant downsizing, we've really gotten used to the limited space and being near the bathroom has been a huge plus (those late night trips to the loo have definitely increased!). We emptied out the office across the hall in order to transform it into babyland. We had previously discussed using blues and greens for the nursery but we wanted to pick out the bedding first before we decided on a theme. Our ultimate goal was to find something that was classic and would not be easily outgrown. The selection was limited to say the least. Why do baby bedding designers focus all their efforts on little girl decor? I could have left there with four different girl bedding sets and been perfectly happy but the boy bedding gods were out to get us that day. Here were our options: monkeys playing electric guitars, monkeys parachuting out of planes, monkeys riding giraffes footballs, baseballs, Simba from the Lion King, and dump trucks. First of all, what is with this monkey obsession? Is there some global scheme to make babies love monkeys? Secondly, none of these options seemed to fit what we were looking for. Just when we thought we were going to have to compromise with monkey option A, B, or C, we turned the corner and found an adorable nautical themed set. The best news: it was green and blue!

Store Display - not in our house...yet

 Needless to say, we had found our nursery theme! The next thing to do was to pick out the paint colors and to start painting. This process was really hard for me because I wanted to be a part of the painting, but I could not be around the house for all the painting/sanding as the fumes are bad for baby. Alex and I took the comforter to the store to pick out the paint colors and that is where my share of the project ended.

Color Swatches - picture is not true to color

Over Memorial Day weekend, I took my huge stack of grading and my mom up to the cabin to escape. Alex and his wonderful family came over to work on the house and they were able to accomplish a ton amongst them. Despite their progress, Alex was quite frustrated with the painters tape they used because it ended up ripping off some of the paint and even some of the plaster. After he and his dad re-puttied, re-primed and re-painted, the room was really coming together! We still have a lot to do in regard to furniture and decor but the painting is looking pretty awesome. Thank you to my wonderful hubby and his family for all of their hard work! I cannot wait to finish the room and I'm even more excited to bring baby home to it!

Diaper Dilemma

Another adventure Alex and I have braved on our way to becoming parents is the diaper discussion. To dispose or not to dispose? That is the question. According to a 2005 survey conducted by ABC News, 95% of parents use disposable diapers and with the convenience and easy clean up, it is easy to understand why. However, a handful of my recent momma friends have chosen cloth, so I was interested in doing some research of my own. The best two arguments for cloth diapers are the economical and environmental impact.

The initial investment for cloth diapers, depending on style, brand and amount, runs around $250. Add in the cost of laundry detergent, accessories, etc. and you're looking at another $200 or so. That's $450 start up and then another $100 a year for water and electricity costs ($.15/kWh and $22/1000 gallons - mint.com). As much as that might seem spendy, it pales in comparison to the $800-$1000 spent annually (mint.com) on disposables. As the child enters his second year, that saving jumps to 60% because the initial cloth investment has already been taken care of. Depending on the condition of the diapers, parents can even reuse the cloth diapers for future children or sell them to other future parents.

The environmental impact of cloth diapers is less concrete. Some studies argue that there is little to no difference between both diaper types, however, the truth really lies in diaper care. Washing at home can cut down the fuel usage and air pollution created by professional diaper services. Using cold and/or warm water can cut energy costs and line drying as opposed to using a dryer, can eliminate that energy usage completely. Admittedly, both diaper types have some environmental impact, however, to know that our baby will be responsible for 70% less solid waste in landfills (U of M study) and that our impact on non-renewable petroleum supplies and methane gas in the environment will be significantly lower is a good feeling. 

However, there are also the health and developmental factors. That same ABC News study mentioned above concluded that boys who wear disposable diapers maintain a higher scrotal temperature which may pose some fertility issues in the future. Asthma, nasal congestion, allergies, and common colds are more prevalent in users of disposables as well. Lastly, the study concluded that children who use cloth diapers are quicker to embrace potty training than children who use disposables.

So, after tapping into some solid research and asking around, we've ordered our own set of cloth diapers! We decided to go with the pocket style diaper it is the most user-friendly and is quite customizable.

We ordered from Sunbaby Diapers; the snaps allow for the diaper to fit babies from 7-35 lbs (see above picture).

The pocket itself can be filled with 1-2 microfiber inserts to keep the moisture away from baby and to make clean up easier.

Also, the diapers come in really fun colors and prints that are just too cute! We ordered several different patterns but the two above are my personal favorites (blue argyle and cream zoo animals). As of now, we've only spent $144 on our diapers and we are eager to see how they work out for our little guy. The package just shipped yesterday and although I don't have a baby bottom to try them out on, I can't wait to get my hands on them! Stay posted for more updates.